Keeping Safe in Tough Times
by gregorian12
Summary: Ever wonder how the group avoided being called out with a certain movement, well wonder no more.


"Man, the Metoo movement is going strong... make you kinda worry we be next," Lana muttered

"Right, I think the reason no one attack Archer yet is caused too many people who hate us are enjoying the fact that he's in a coma," Ray said

"Hasn't stop the potential bumbling assassin though." Lana angrily muttered;

"But you would think Mrs. Archer would be a potential target. I mean for pete sake she pissed off everyone at this point. Pretty sure more than half her contact want her dead at this point-" Noticing Lana expression, he also added, "And she's right behind me."

"Yes," Mallory stated holding Cheryl ear in a vice grip.

"Why..."

"I told her to wait in the lobby and she set the lobby plant on fire. Luckily the camera wasn't working and I was able to blame it on a man with a broken foot."

"... Wow... when people complain how mean and petty their bosses are, they obviously never meet you." Ray said.

"Oh shut up. Without me, all your asses would be exposed and shot at." Mallory stated

"Even with you, we would get-OW!" Cheryl screeched as Mallory gave an extra hard squeeze. "Dangit woman, stop teasing and punch me already!"

"Ugh," Mallory stated as she let go (Much to Cheryl annoyance)

"Hate to say it, but Cheryl right. it's not like you can stop something like the metoo movement." Lana said

"That's where you're wrong, I already did thanks to the program," Mallory stated in a holier than thou tone.

"The what?" Lana said

"I asked Krieger to create a program that targets computer that might even mention any of us in the metoo movement and instantly delete it."

"... huh, I wonder why neither you or your son was mention." Ray stated

"But wait how did you get Krieger to help you," Cheryl said

"Well..."

* * *

" _This is frigging disturbing," Ron stated as both were at Krieger play_

 _"Look it's either this or have a four-way with him and his stupid virtual girlfriend." Mallory snapped_

 _"Honestly, I think I have preferred that over this," Ron stated_ as _a blackfaced Krieger attacked a goat._

* * *

"Wait Ron knew about this?" Lana asked surprised

"Knew, he frigging approved, he says while he doesn't like me hitting on men, he doesn't like potential lawsuit even more," Mallory stated

"Still... seems dirty," Lana muttered

"Oh please, considering your the third most name that usually pops up before deletion you have no right to complain," Mallory stated

"WHAT!?" Lana shouted.

"You heard me, apparently a lot of men are coming forth and accusing you of using them for sex to piss off Cyril," Mallory stated

"I didn't sleep with them! I just gave them money and told them to say I did." Lana snapped.

"That's the con, they're using your word to twist it to make them seem like the victim," Ray stated

"But their not the victim!" Lana snapped

"Hence the con," Ray stated

"So wait, if you and archer are first and second, and Lana third, whose the fourth?" Cheryl asked.

"It's that walrus in a dress," Mallory stated, "Seriously, why couldn't she stick with screwing with the yakuza."

"Yeah well, there is a reason why Pam and Archer usually get along so well." Ray shrugged

"Don't remind me," Mallory grumbled

"And let's not forget Glue-is Roberts over here," Lana pointed to Cheryl.

"Who did you do?" Ray sighed.

"Isn't that what did I do?" Cheryl asked.

"No, who," Ray glared at her.

"Only a couple guys when I was bored and wanted to make Archer jealous," Cheryl waved. "Some of them were babies. A little light electricity and choking and they all go to pieces."

"Hence why your number six." Mallory muttered

"What, I'm six!" Cheryl said annoyed

"Yes, cause Kriger himself is five." Mallory growled in a 'Keep yapping and i will claw your nose out' sort of way.

"Was it the food raping thing?" Ray asked

"It wasn't just that... although it would be lying if I said that didn't play a large part in it." Mallory sighed. "Apparently theirs a small minority that is pissed about the drug Krieger made, formula K."

That only received blank stared

"The one I wanted Sterling to take when I send him to handle that honeypot which involves Ramon."

"OH! You mean his gay drug, the one that causes that intern to speak in the third person" Lana said

"The one that killed said intern," Ray added

"The same." Mallory nodded. "Apparently he inadvertently mixed it in some of the intern drinks. And apparently, a small handful of them manage to survive and are annoyed,"

"Annoyed with there new sexual orientation of that they can't stop speaking in the third person?" Lana questioned

"Both." Mallory stated

"So is that it, or am I and Cyril both stuck in seven place." Ray questioned

"Surprisingly no, well at least for Cyril. Due to the fact Cyril whined about his supposed 'sexual addiction', he mostly been untouched, you on the other hand, most seem to think that you come off them too strongly, and for some reason, think you might take advantage of someone in the bathroom while they're knocked out."

"Well can't argue with them there." Ray shrugged remember that baby shower for wee baby Seamus.

"So, aside from Cyril, all of us are potential targets of the Weinstein effect, great," Lana said sarcastically.

"And the only thing keeping us safe is one of Krieger invention, double great." Ray sighed

"Relax, I also have a plan b."

* * *

"Delete, delete, delete," Mitsuko muttered as her eye briefly flashes with any notifications.

"Your trusting her to do it!?" Ray shouted

"I gave her a really good deal." Mallory stated

"Which was?"

* * *

" _So let Mitsuko get this straight._ me _and Krieger-san get to use your son body on every third weekend and_ i _get to sexy dance on everyone graves but yours when they died... DEAL!" Mitsuko shouted happily._

* * *

Ray, Lana and even Cheryl was giving Mallory a slightly disturbed look.

"Don't give me that face, you'll be thanking me when were the only ones not touched by this hashtag.

What Mallory didn't know was that Mitsuko was secretly saving some of the more scandalous ones to save for future blackmail potential.


End file.
